hurting inside………

Sometimes it does hurt when you look back and realized that people never really did care before. I know they care now but sometimes I wonder if I did things to fast idk…I just don’t understand sometimes. Like sex is so special to girls but guys just wanna get laid…bleh it hurts but what can I do fuck it.  

Sometimes feeling special is hard to do :( bleh sometimes hear things about the past and how you’re not special enough it sucks :/ Fml why do I care?

:(

Little things matter. I honestly think that little things do. I remember my freshmen year a guy remembered something new about me and wasn’t scared to call me beautiful even when he had a girlfriend. Even though he is my brothers good friend, he will also be a good friend to me too. 

I don’t know if it’s my hormones but I’m seriously pissed off. I hate it when someone is being a jerk when you are the one trying to say sorry and shit. I know I was being mean I get it so I am apologizing for it. But do you have to be such an asshole? 

Oh yeah and I love the excuse so much…I wasn’t thinking. Bleh…there can only be so many of those before you get tired of their shit! Fuck it! PMS. I don’t give a fuck! I don’t care if I’m a bitch! All I know is when I’m saying sorry it’s not because I’m joking but because I am putting my self out there, where I am most vulnerable…fucking A! I mean it when I say sorry.

FUCK YOU! YEAH…THAT’S BETTER!

I don’t even know what’s wrong with me? I honestly feel like it’s been the worst day of my life. I wish I could go out and have fun every once and a while. Today is just not a happy day. I feel like I’m lying to myself or something. I just don’t feel right. I don’t know if it’s today…but I just don’t feel myself today ): It just feels like old memories that broke me are back. I cry every time I think of the past because it’s sad to see how weak I was. I think my only problem here is that I can’t get over mt past.

Honestly, I know I was a flirt before. My boyfriend changed things for me a year ago…but I guess I still haven’t changed my ways. Sometimes I wish people would let me show them who I am now instead of living int he past. 

I get stuck in the past too, but I just say fuck it and try to move on. Everything I’ve been learning in my sociology class has been telling me that the past does matter. This class has got me thinking all the time about the past. I feel like if I can change so can other people…so does that mean my sociology teacher is wrong?..

I try to not think about the past, however that doesn’t mean I try to forget it. My teacher is right though, your past is what makes you. I’m trying to be a better person and not lead guys on. I think I’ve done a great job so far.

Ha wow…I’m contradicting myself aren’t I? Well I just want people to know, despite what they may think. I have changed. I’m not looking for a boy anymore. I found one. I just hope he sees that. 

Sometimes you just get tired of fighting…

Sometimes hearing things from the past that you never knew brings back things I never wanted to feel again. I’m not going to lie it hurts to be ignored but to be forgotten is probably one of the worst feelings someone could ever feel. It makes you feel like you’re not important. I mean honestly..not being important enough to eat a meal with…bleh I feel amazing. Good morning puffy eyes! Night everyone.